Are your beliefs limiting your ability to progress your career and reach your goals? We explore steps to breaking limiting beliefs and how you can achieve more of what you want.
Limiting beliefs are those specific stories that hold us back in some way from becoming who we truly want to be. Often, they are unquestioned and/or unconscious.
Here’s an example of a limiting belief:
“I need to perform perfectly in all circumstances.”
Creating lasting change in our lives requires that we recognize and let go of our limiting beliefs and cultivate empowering beliefs that support our growth. In other words, we need to rewrite the bad stories as better stories.
Here’s an example of an empowering belief:
“I embrace growth, learning, and opportunities to contribute from each experience, knowing that progress matters more than perfection.”
How do limiting beliefs affect our lives?
Let’s say you believe that everyone is holding you to an extremely high standard that you can’t possibly live up to. That negative story version of the belief creates the lens through which you view interactions. Brain science has shown us that you will constantly be looking for and finding evidence that supports a belief because of the way your brain is wired.
But what about the better version of the story? Let’s say you truly believe that people are fellow learners and collaborators rather than judges or competitors, and generally want to see you succeed. This belief will then be the lens through which you view your interactions and relationships. Your brain will constantly be looking for and finding evidence that supports this belief. And so, this is the kind of reality you will tend to experience.
With both beliefs, your circumstances and the people you interact with might not be any different. What will be different is the way you interpret their behavior. Your brain will attach a new story to the same behavior depending on your beliefs.
How might this new belief serve you in your career?
- In meetings: Instead of stressing about having the perfect answer, you’d focus on contributing ideas that could spark useful discussion
- With your boss: You’d view them as a resource for learning rather than just an authority judging your performance
- With colleagues: You’d see collaborative projects as chances to both interact and learn, rather than continuously prove your worth
- In presentations: You’d focus on delivering value to your audience rather than obsessing about a flawless delivery
Beliefs are like bits of code, providing patterns for your brain to think about things in a certain way. And, new beliefs can be formed when your perspective shifts—when you actually experience a different neural connection in your brain.
How do you identify your limiting beliefs?
1️⃣ The Solicit-A-Mentor Method
Have you noticed that it’s often easier to recognize limiting beliefs in others than it is to recognize our own? As a leadership coach, that’s often been the case for me.
Think about something you really want and haven’t achieved, or something that you often talk yourself out of (and I’m not just talking about a sugary snack here!) Now, think about why you haven’t gone after it. In what ways do you continue to play it safe and/or straddle the fence even though you want to commit to something that could change your life?
Now, use an outsider view / objective approach on yourself. Often, we are so close to a situation that we can’t see how we’re stuck in a pattern. But when someone else points it out, it becomes obvious.
Imagine a trusted mentor sitting across from you. Think about the thoughts that often go through your mind. Simply share sunset if your beliefs with your mentor.
What might a mentor say to you?
What do they point out that you weren’t able to see?
What wisdom and advice are they able to provide you?
Reminder: a mentor is not an adversary. This isn’t a moment for negative self-talk!
If sitting across from your mentor doesn’t work, try moving up into a birds-eye view and be an observer of yourself and your mentor rather than a direct participant. Settle in, imagine, and observe the conversation between two people who know and trust one another.
What do you notice about the exchange of ideas?
What stands out from the communication between the people you are observing?
Get out your journal and write down what comes to mind.
Do the beliefs that came up from your mentor tend to ring true? You may need to dig deeper until you find ones that do. It may help to think about your values and your unique life experiences. Are any of these contributing to unconscious limiting beliefs?
2️⃣ The Fill-in-your-Because Method
This method is straightforward at uncovering limiting beliefs. Here’s an example:
Describe a situation you’re struggling with (e.g. “I don’t speak up enough in meetings”) and add the word “because” at the end of it, then finish the sentence out loud.
Example:
I don’t speak up enough in meetings because – – – – – – – -.
Reminder: don’t judge or overthink your answer.
What did you say after the word “because”?
Does it point to what your underlying limiting beliefs are?
What’s really behind your ‘because?’
I don’t speak up enough in meetings because I am afraid of being judged.
I don’t speak up enough in meetings because I am not as smart as my peers.
I don’t speak up enough in meetings because I always sound nervous when I speak.
The limiting beliefs are what come after the because.
How can you create new empowering beliefs?
Once you’ve identified and examined your limiting beliefs it is time to reframe, integrate, and reinforce new beliefs.
Reframe as a new belief through a clearing statement
Now that you’ve done the work to identify the beliefs holding you back, the next step is to clear it out with reframing. Someone once told me, reframing is the way to get out of the “Stay Stuck Club.” The reframing process allows you to consciously shift your perspective by writing out an old belief, then crafting a new empowering statement that feels both authentic and aspirational. For example, instead of “I always stumble over myself in important meetings,” you might write “Each meeting is an opportunity to connect with my team and peers to learn and share valuable insights.” Take time to work on the words until it feels real and truly resonates with you. The key in finding the right reframe is to create a sense of possibility rather than pressure.
Another way to reframe is with a clearing statement. For a clearing statement, you start with your intention, add details as to what you are looking to remove from your beliefs, and key in on where or how you will remove it. Start with your limiting belief and write a statement that destroys the limiting belief and opens up new ways of thinking about the topic or challenging situation.
The clearing statement helps you move out of being stuck so you can create the life you really want to live, and no longer be talked out of it, distracted or sabotaged. Instead of living in fear of the “what if” (what if i fail, what if people don’t like me anymore, what if I change and I don’t like the outcome) you focus on making an empowered choice and start living today in the energy of your ideal future.
A personal example: For me, at one point I was struggling with changing my career, and had many thoughts that choosing a different path would be seen as a less influential profession for me. Perhaps I’d be judged, and it would be a career where I no longer had the “clout,” the “credentials,” the “control,” the “high-powered leadership,” and I would be seen as giving up on my potential.
So I wrote a clearing statement that unblocked my future:
“Working as an amazing, successful leadership coach with people, teams, and organizations isn’t soft or useless work. I’m not giving up my career; I’m taking it to new, impactful places. Release anything in my heart, mind, tissues, cells, energy, current or past years holding me back from diving in and helping people transition through challenges and transform their lives.”
Reminder: it may take some time, along with strength and courage, to shift your perspective in thinking of your new belief.
Integrate it
Integration happens through deliberate practice in daily life. Look for small, low-stakes situations where you can try on your new belief. If your new belief is about being a confident communicator, practice it first in casual conversations with friends rather than high-pressure work meetings. Pay attention to how your body feels when you’re living this new belief–you might notice your shoulders relaxing or your breathing becoming easier. Write down your experiences by keeping a simple note on your phone to track moments when you successfully embodied your new belief, no matter how small.
Reinforcement & Consistency
Reinforcement is about creating an environment that supports your new belief. Share your journey with a trusted friend who can remind you of your progress when old doubts creep in. Create visual reminders like sticky notes on your mirror or a special phone wallpaper with your new belief. Start your day by reading or saying your new belief aloud, and end it by journaling about evidence you noticed that supports it. Consider finding inspiration in a role model who naturally embodies this belief and notice how they approach similar situations. The key is to consistently surround yourself with proof that your new belief is possible and true.
How can coaching and mentoring help in the process of eliminating limiting beliefs?
In addition to the steps above, another highly effective way to discover and overcome your limiting beliefs is with the support of coaching and mentoring.
In the process of individual development, the discovery of self-knowledge (via coaching) and learning and understanding from those with successful experience (via mentoring) are pivotal to identifying and changing long-standing beliefs.
When you realize that you can change your life through rewriting new stories, you will discover the joyful motivation of actually seeing, hearing and feeling a result you want to achieve in your mind. If you’ve been feeling stuck, practice one of these exercises. If you’re looking for a coach or mentor to help challenge your limiting beliefs, reach out to me.
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